It's time to take tolerance one step further--to ACCEPTANCE.

Like millions of others this past week, I have been deeply disturbed and saddened by the rash of reported suicides among young men around this country.  When I came across the NPR story about Tyler Clementi on my Facebook feed, my heart sank, my jaw dropped, and my eyes welled with tears.  When I followed a link to an article listing three more teenage boys whose lives all ended in the same fashion--all in September--I nearly vomited.  And these are only the reported cases.  

Losing someone to suicide is horrible in its own right.  Losing a kid to suicide is even more horrible because he or she still has a whole lifetime to live.  Losing a kid to suicide because he or she has been mistreated so horrifically by other kids…now that's just unspeakable.  Completely unacceptable.  Despicable.  Outrageous.  Sickening.  And preventable.  IF we focus our teaching.

As parents, as teachers, as community leaders, as role models, as mature, open-minded human beings, it is so incredibly important that we teach kids tolerance, that we really work to make sure they understand that just because people are different from them, they don't need to hate and hurt them.  But you know what?  We MUST go one step further, and teach kids ACCEPTANCE.  It's unequivocally imperative.  We must MODEL acceptance for them.  We've got to show them what acceptance is and how to really live it.  In one of my classes the other day, a classmate made an interesting distinction between tolerance and acceptance that I have since embraced: tolerance is a decent first step but it is only a shallow "I can be OK with that" mentality; acceptance though is where we need to get to, for that is a true embracing, a true accepting of something.  It's genuine; it's from the heart.  We're all different in myriad ways.  But we MUST MUST MUST learn to accept those differences and to work together to make this world a better place.  For your survival.  For my survival.  For the kids' survival.  For OUR survival. 

No one, especially kids--who generally lack the maturity and emotional stability necessary to overcome such blows to their self-esteem--should have to endure bullying from others because of who they are.  NO ONE.  They should never feel that they have to hide how they identify themselves, whether that's heterosexual, homosexual, transgendered, questioning, or whatever else there may be.  Kids' lives are already hard enough, what with trying to figure out who the heck they are and even more, who they "think they're supposed to be".

HOW MANY MORE LIVES MUST BE LOST BEFORE WE SAY AND DO SOMETHING TO ENSURE ABSOLUTELY NO MORE?  HOW MANY MORE HORRIFIC STORIES LIKE THIS MUST WE READ AND HEAR AND BE DEPRESSED ABOUT?  HOW MANY?

The third time is not always a charm.

Even though I just posted this weekend, my heart really hurts right now and I want to write about it...

For the third time this year, I have been impacted by suicide.  In February, my best friend's husband died by suicide.  He was only 32.  In July, another friend's sister died by suicide.  She was only 26.  And now, today, a player from my favorite NFL team, the Denver Broncos, died by suicide.  He was only 23.  Even though these last two weren't people I knew personally, the tragedy of their deaths still affect me greatly.  And dealing with the death of my best friend's husband was… one of the hardest things I have ever had to come to terms with--and I'm still working on it.  I was the maid of honor in their wedding.  He was not just my best friend's husband, he was my friend, too.  And they hadn't even celebrated their second wedding anniversary yet.

In this instance, the third time is not a charm.  I have the hardest time understanding the choice…  Every time I hear about a suicide, it forces me to stop and remember.  And think.  Suicide affects so many young people every year.  What is going on in their lives that is so incredibly painful, that they feel the need to deal with the pain by ending it completely?  What do they need help with?  As friends, family members, coworkers, classmates, professors, teachers, school administrators, community leaders… are we keeping an eye out for kids, people who may be struggling and afraid to verbalize their need for help?  Are we doing everything we can to reach out and help them?  Are we making ourselves available and making sure we convey an open mind?  Do we know the specifics of what to do if someone says he or she is contemplating suicide?  Are we as prepared as we need to be in dealing with situations like this, situations that may arise in our lives and with people we love and care about?

Suicide is never, EVER the answer.  Being depressed and in pain is one thing, but making the choice to end everything and all possibilities for making things better--that is something completely different.  It doesn't have to be that way.  Suicide is NEVER, EVER the answer.  It breaks my heart to know that people get to the point where they feel that it is an answer, the only answer.  And as a friend, a family member, a classmate, and a future teacher, I feel strongly that I have a responsibility to help those around me who either directly reach out to me for help or who I notice could use some help even if they don't specifically ask me.  As I say in the poem I wrote here, "Love is great, and life is potential.  There is hope.  There is always hope."